A Faint Idea

I bought some clothes on the Hm sale.
I just love Star Wars stuff!
Yum yum!

My head really hurts.
Just took two pain killers.
Hope it'll starts to work soon.

Tomorrow I'm going to meet a friend for coffee.
And on Thursday morning I have an job interview.
I applied for the job and like 10 minutes later they called me up!
And on Thursday evening I'm going to a birthday party.
And on Friday I'm going to the employment office.
I fucking hate that place.
Please oh fucking please let me get a job so I don't have to deal with them anymore.
Seriously, if you don't already have a death wish you will have as soon as you're there.

My cats are here.
Don't know if I've said it earlier.
My mom drop them of this Saturday.
I love them!
But I have to sleep with earplugs to get some sleep.
I wake up much to easily!
Woke up once the first night with earplugs and thats because I had dropped one of them,
Lol.

Forget you

I guess he's an xbox and I'm more atari,
But the way you play your game ain't fair
I pity the fool that falls in love with you

I guess the change in my pocket wasn't enough
I'm like fuck you! And fuck her too!

Hit me hard

Han som tuggar med munnen öppen dör

I went on a party yesterday.
It was okay.
But in the end there were to much people.
So I went home rather early.
But not before the most beautiful girl on the party smooched me up.

It was a good night.

Today my brother came home from USA.
He had a whole suitcase of candy.
Yummy Yummy!
And now my Mom is soon here with my cats.
<3

I'm working on a project for my hair.
All is good

Just Dance

The sun shines outside, it was a really long time since it did.
So I'm going for a walk,
Where I don't know, just around.
Then I'm going to the store, to buy food,
And then I actually mean Buy food,
Not just soda and soymilk like the last few weeks I've been living here.
Acutally ingridients to actuall food you can eat.
Quite amazing huh?

The fatal wound

God morning.
Today I woke up 09.01. just like that, on my own.
Or not really on my own, I remember a high pitch noise, but I don't know if it really was one or if I dreamt it.
The weather look really shitsucks.
And today I'm going to do laundry.
Starting to get a pantie shortage and a sock shortage.
^^

Thinking about going in to town and get me a new set of pants,
A comfy pair, so I don't have to use just one pair all the time.
Then I have to pick up the package, so that's done.
And then I guess there's some planning to do.

Still no cats have been seen.
It's odd.
I want to see cats! So I can pet them for a while, I don't have my own cats here soooo,
I need a substitute.

My grandmother had a stroke :(
She's in the hospital,
And her right leg is paralyzed ><
And she forgot about it when she was going to the bathroom and fell down and broke her right arm :|
Life is shitsuck :(

Nothing is sound

I have this bad feeling inside.
It's almost like something is trying to crush my lungs.
And it makes me incapacitated.
I don't want to do anything beside sit in bed and watch series.
Nothing else has any meaning.

But really I should do things,
Things I have to do, and things I should do.
Like pick up a package.
Go and get some food.
Bake something delicious.
But I don't want to,
I really don't want to.
And I don't have to pick up the package until the 30th, last day.
I guess I really should force myself to do stuff,
To get out,
To breathe,
To work,
But all I want to do is Nothing.
Oh depressive little pathetic girl,
You should claw yourself up, out of the hole someone else dug for you.
But it takes time,
Time,
I hate time.
Go away.

Pain, give yourself a name
Call yourself contrition
Avarice of blame
Giving isn't easy
Neither is the rain
When she gives herself away

Daisy, why another day?
Why another sunrise
Who will take the blame
For all redemptive motion
And every rainy day
When he gives himself away

Let it go
Daisy, let it go
Open up your fist
This fallen world
It doesn't hold your interest
It doesn't hold your soul
Daisy, let it go

Stitches

I'm so tired.
And today was a bad day.
Don't even fell like talking about it.
Just bad.
And I'm soooooo tired, but I don't want to sleep, cause then I'll just end up crying.
I'm tired of crying.

Screaming without lungs

She's just reminiscing
Blood, sweat, and one thing's missing
She's been breaking up inside, inside

Singing without tongues
Screaming without lungs
I want more than my lonely nation
I want more than my lonely nation
Desperate we are young
  Separate we are one
I want more than my desperation
I Want more than my lonely nation

We are the target market
We set the corporate target
We are slaves of what we want
We're just not amused
And we're just used to bad news
We are slaves of what we want

Went to the store today, right after I was at work.
Took the things I wanted but when I got to the cashier my card didn't work, and the swedbank app didn't work and still I can't log in to swedbank.
So I guess they have problems that made me leave my food behind!
Fuckers.

Stars looking at our planet watching entropy and pain
And maybe start to wonder how the chaos in our lives could pass as sane
I've been thinking bout the meaning of resistance, of a hope beyond my own
And suddenly the infinite and penitent begin to look like home

 I've been thinking 'bout everyone, everyone you look so empty

  But when I look at the stars,
when I look at the stars,
when I look at the stars I see someone else

When I look at the stars,
the stars, I feel like myself

I've made some calculating with the hours I'm going to work,
And with out the Ob(inconvenient working hours) and with out the duty night hours, then my salary will be 13.216 kr before tax, and then there is more for the Ob and then the 35 hours I haven't added to it.
So I'll guess the salary will be just fine!
Especially when I can work extra.

Let it go
Daisy, let it go
Open up your fist
This fallen world
It doesn't hold your interest
It doesn't hold your soul
Daisy, let it go

These hard times

I don't know if there's something to say.
I guess I've already said everything.

It hurts.
I feel betrayed.
I'm sad.
Can't breathe.
Can't feel.
Don't have a home anymore.
And that I miss you.

I've lost so much,
And gained nothing.
And it hurts even more when I know that there's nothing I can do about it.
Helpless,
Hopeless.

Nothing makes it better.
But nothing makes it worse either.
You can cry your eyes out, it won't help but it won't make it worse.
You can't do anything right,
Everythings wrong.
And that's just the way things are.
And you can't do anything about it.

I really feel,
Hopeless and helpless.

My heart was a house but now it's broken.

This is the life

There's a war going on.
Between my stomach and myself.
I think we hate each other.
Or, my stomach hates me.

I'm never quite hungry, and I never feel the urge to eat something special, maybe for a second or two, but when the second has passed it just makes me feel queasy.
So never really hungry and never in the mood for anything at all to eat, always a bit queasy.
The war.

I really don't like it much, cause it's been going on for long now.
And every morning I wake up is the worst time.
And all I can do is lay still and wait for it to blow over, which usually takes half an hour to an hour.

It all started when I got dumped, so I guess my tummy reacts to my sadness, and therefore starts hating me for not being happy.
Lol.

I guess I should try to eat things thats not hard for the stomach to processes instead of just eating what I get my hands on, like I've been doing, which mostly been bread actually, and bread isn't the best thing for a tummy.

But it feels like, when I almost can't eat things that I'm almost feeling an urge to eat, then how will I be able to eat stuff thats good for you.
All that thinking and planning.
Ouch.
But I guess it have to do, if I ever want a happy working stomach ever again.

Terrified

I woke up with this terrible felling and my guess is that it won't go away.
I hate days like this,
When you wake up terrified of something and the felling ruins the whole day.
Worthless.
And now I don't have anyone who can work that feeling away,
I'm all alone and terrified to the bone.

In for the kill

Since I got here I haven't seen a single cat.
It's quite depressing.

I've made important phone calls today.
I hate important phone calls.
And I'm not done yet.

Mostly I'm sitting in bed reading.
I'm reading The Hunger Games, on book two now, half way through.
Thinking about maybe bake something, or at least fixing the pictures I have to two ready recipes I have but not yet publish because of the photographs.

Mostly it's just a game of not crying and forcing my self to eat even if I want to throw everything up.
A constant pain and sickness.
Will it ever lighten?

Growing Pains

Johanna!
We watched The last airbender, and then she wanted to see all the Halloween movies fram the beginning, 'cause we saw the remake of the second movie.
So we watched Halloween from 1978.

The boots I wanted was out in my size, so tomorrow I'll try another store.
Then I'm meeting with Petter for coffee.

Guess what.

I got the job.
Don't know how much I'll work.
Don't remember what my salary was either.
Guess I'll find out that when she's send the agreement.
So sure, nothings final yet because I haven't signed any papers.
So we'll see.
Anyway I'm not thrilled about it,
Not even a little happy,
More sad, more like I want to cry my eyes out.
Cause it's one step closer to a future I don't want, but still the future I want don't exist.
And it seems to be a top job,
I think it'll be great, and that I'll like it a lot.
But still I can't be happy about it.
I only told two people, cause I know they'll be happy about it, and all I want to do is cry.
I even start next week.
And thats that.
I'm taking giant steps to somewhere else with out you.
And I fucking hate it.

As if by magic

Emerging from my world
Imagine living in a box
And I won't come up
Until I've broken all the locks
Slurring all my words
Until something sticks
But in this smoky universe
My mind keeps playing tricks

And although, you're the only home I know
As if by magic, thoughts of you are gone
And now, I'm keeping my head in the clouds
And it's not so tragic if I don't look down

Submerging from your world
And back into my bliss
A day rolled into one
Is burning on my lips
Blurring all your words
Until they don't exist
And in a parallel universe
It's me you can't resist

And although, you're the only home I'd ever know
As if by magic, thoughts of you are gone
And now, I'm keeping my head in the clouds
And it's not so tragic if I don't look down

I got a teddybear rabbit in the mail yesterday!
Really cute.
It didn't say who it was from, but I have my guess.

Had a job interview yesterday.
Don't think I'll get it,
She pointed out that it was hard work and that she had lots of others to interview.
But today my telephone rang when I did the dishes, so I did not hear it,
But I saw it when I came back, and it was someone calling for an interview.
So I called and now I have another interview today, at 13, almost at the same place as yesterday, at the same time.
Weird.
I'm really nervous, because it's at the persons home, so I'll meet with the person who'll I'll be working with right away, often you just meet some authority person, and then if they want to give you the job then you meet the person you'll be working with.
Huuwaaaa.
We'll after the interview I'm going to buy coffee, at the shop I always used to buy from before, and see if the guy how always recognized me is working there today, I saw him before when I was visiting here, but then I didn't have the courage to go buy something, lol.
So we'll see if he's there today, and if he still recognizes me.
Then I'll meet with Johanna, and buy me some nice warm boots, and then if she'll let me I'll take her home and make her dinner.
Or I guess I won't eat anything.
Mweh.
Well.
Time to go.

Call me

It all feels very unreal.
Me moving.
It seems like I'm just visiting, I guess bringing nothing more than two bags do that to you.

For a week now my stomach have totally hated me,
Or maybe more like hated food.

I can't help but think,
What the fuck am I doing here? I don't want to be here!
But the place I want to be, I'm not welcome at anymore,
The place I want to be doesn't exist anymore.
It's fucking gone
And all I can do is suck it up.

I freaking hate my life.