It's not me, It's you

There was a time when I actually thought everything would work out, but I was wrong so horrible wrong,
And now that time is over, for a long time, and for good.
Life is worthless.
And it hurts so so so bad and all I can do about it is cry, until the psychiatry decides it been enough months, so they can make me an appointment to meet someone.
I'm just so tired of this,
Always trying to get help, never actually getting any help,
Always chasing, never resting.
There was a time I thought everything would work out, but it never does and it never will.
So why am I still doing this?

Dearest

I know I've gone a bit mental with the pictures in my blog.
So I went and got me this:
http://kexet.tumblr.com

It will be pictures, maybe some quotes, nothing more.
And some pictures by me and other pictures I just find inspiring.
Of course I'll still be here, writing about my boring life.
Okay thnx bye.

Transformation

I often wonder what is important to fight for.
If it ever mathers if you fight for something.
Does it make a differences?
Who are you fighting for?
If you fight for yourself is it worth the effort?
Does it really mather what other think?

Won't you just put yourself in trouble?
Won't you just suffer even more than you already do?
I don't know.
I'm just tired of answering trillions of the same questions all the time, but at the same time I feel that I can't give in cause then they win, and they can't win,
But is it worth the effort?
And is it worth to start fighting for it?
Who am I?
Who do I want to be?
Do I care?
Obviously, I'm unhygienic and makes the old people react, AND WE CAN'T HAVE THAT!
Oh, I'm so tired of it.
It's not unhygienic, they just don't want the hassle of the old people who ask questions.
Narrow-minded bigots!

Belle

Följ min blogg med bloglovin

All the young dudes

Just gotten my salary.
And from somewhere, someone I got 5960 kr,
But I don't get it, I shouldn't get that, I work at two places, but I've gotten three salaries.
I really can't work it out.
And I'm afraid that someone, someday will show up and say:
"OOPPPSSS We've given you salary even though you don't work here, GIVE IT THE FUCK BACK!"
But I need the cash, ehe, so I've probably used it all when that happens.
Why can't they just write our who's it from, then I'd now!

The flower said
I wish I was a tree
The tree said
I wish I could be
A different kind of tree
The cat wished that it was a bee
The turtle wished that it could fly
Really high into the sky
Over rooftops and then dive
Deep into the sea

And in the sea there is a fish
A fish that has a secret wish
A wish to be a big cactus
With a pink flower on it
And in the sea there is a fish
A fish that has a secret wish
A wish to be a big cactus
With a pink flower on it

And the flower
Would be its offering
Of love to the desert
And the desert
So dry and lonely
That the creatures all
Appreciate the effort

And the rattlesnake said
I wish I had hands so
I could hug you like a man
And then the cactus said
Don't you understand
My skin is covered
With sharp spikes
That'll stab you
Like a thousand knives
A hug would be nice
But hug my flower
With your eyes

It's not right for a woman to read. Soon she starts getting ideas, and thinking..

Work, work, work, work...
Two more days, then I have a day off! Fett!

So nice So smart

I have to vacuum!
Eh..
Have an interview today, and a killer head ache.
Think I'm meeting a friend after the interview, haven't heard from her yet so we'll see.
Tomorrow it's AMS :(
Then I'm meeting Johanna <3
Then I'll have a few friend over to eat Kärleksmums, yummy.

Life came over me

Nora <3
I miss her so!

You can have it all

Poor Alva fell down into the bathtub.
Then she ran soaking wet around like crazy all over the apartment so it was wet all over.
After that I wasn't in a bath mood.

I survived a date tonight.
I was nervous out of my mind, but had a real good time!
I hope she wants to meet me again.

Right now I'm sitting with my boots on and listening to the soundtrack to Juno.
It's time to wash away the make up, brush my teeth, take the computer with me and watch an episode of Morden i Midsomer in bed <3
I'm working tomorrow.

This is your home now

Today I miss a lost life,
To be able to go home to someone.
To feel like you have a home and a place.
I miss my family,
And the country,
The summer,
The sun,
The grass,
Estonia.
Life goes on,
With out me.
It was a long time ago I just cried because I miss and not because I'm in agony and panic.
I'm trying to find my place here,
I'm trying to build a new home,
A new life,
But it's hard.
But I do really like this apartment.
It's just not my home yet.
I love that my bathroom has a window, so that when I shower I can watch the view, and that I can open it and feel a cold breeze.
I love my huge windows in the kitchen.
I love that I have a washing machine.
I love Gothenburg.
I get enough cash form my job, and I don't hate it,
Sure I'd rather have a steady job, with out having to put up with the stress to go new places, like I have to do today and tomorrow, but at least I get to work.
I like my friends here, but I miss my friends who lives so far away now.
I'm tired of my heart hurting.

The saddest thing is that I for once actually believed everything was going to be alright,
Never believed that before,
Never.
But then it all went to hell instead.
And all I can feel is,
What else?!
I have lost my faith.

It's the end here today
But I will build a new beginning
Take some time, find a place
And I will start my own religion

It's time to wipe my tears away,
Take a deep breathe and deal with the stress of going to work in a whole new place I've never been to before, and to hang some laundry.

Was it a dream?

My heart is down the drain

My heart is heavy.
Everything is heavy.
I have ideas, but no energy or real passion to take them on.
I'm a real downer right now.
Dreaming of something better but not doing anything at all,
I can't even get my self dressed or wash the dishes,
How then will I be able to buy curtains, flowers, meet friends, laugh and have fun?
No thanks,
Today I'm digging my own hole to lie in for a while.
Bye.