This is your home now

Today I miss a lost life,
To be able to go home to someone.
To feel like you have a home and a place.
I miss my family,
And the country,
The summer,
The sun,
The grass,
Estonia.
Life goes on,
With out me.
It was a long time ago I just cried because I miss and not because I'm in agony and panic.
I'm trying to find my place here,
I'm trying to build a new home,
A new life,
But it's hard.
But I do really like this apartment.
It's just not my home yet.
I love that my bathroom has a window, so that when I shower I can watch the view, and that I can open it and feel a cold breeze.
I love my huge windows in the kitchen.
I love that I have a washing machine.
I love Gothenburg.
I get enough cash form my job, and I don't hate it,
Sure I'd rather have a steady job, with out having to put up with the stress to go new places, like I have to do today and tomorrow, but at least I get to work.
I like my friends here, but I miss my friends who lives so far away now.
I'm tired of my heart hurting.

The saddest thing is that I for once actually believed everything was going to be alright,
Never believed that before,
Never.
But then it all went to hell instead.
And all I can feel is,
What else?!
I have lost my faith.

It's the end here today
But I will build a new beginning
Take some time, find a place
And I will start my own religion

It's time to wipe my tears away,
Take a deep breathe and deal with the stress of going to work in a whole new place I've never been to before, and to hang some laundry.