Dog days are over

Old pic, or at least some months old.
But Johanna was here today.
Helped me with my hair, watched a movie, ate tacos and went for a walk at the cemetary.
It was nice.

I'm trying to get a hold on a doctor or something,
Called like seven different calls to the hospital.
They said today that I should call tomorrow morning, then maybe they can fix an appointment in a couple of days.
Why do it have to be so hard to get a hold of a freaking doctor.
To get some help.

I can't stop eating.
I mean I eat like all the time.
Food, candy, sandwiches anything I can get my hands on.
I'm never hungry but I never get stuffed either.
I just eat and eat and eat.
I want to stop.

But I guess I'm doing it because I'm feeling bad,
And I guess it's better than never eating and throwing up.

I want to loose weight.
But I'm too afraid to change anything.
I'm afraid that if I make changes,
If I forbid myself to eat somethings or start to eat less,
Or that if I start exercising it will all go out of my hands,
And once again I'm starving myself,
Showing my hands down my throat,
Chasing every hectogram,
Trying to exercise myself away.
There's never a middle for me,
It's all or nothing,
And I promise you that even if all I want is to get in better shape, I will tumble and fall and be on my knees in front of the toilet like always.
I hate it.

Why can't things be easy?